Wednesday, August 25, 2010
"Where I Belong"
So these past 2 weeks I've been super busy teaching a high school dance camp, choreographing, & running errands. I haven't been to church or in good fellowship in 2 weeks. I've been to busy and/or exhausted to take time to seek God or be with Him, and when I tried I didn't even know how to be still anymore. I even felt unworthy of being in God's presence. I became so consumed w/ "worldy" things & even began becoming anxious about things I'm normally not worried about such as my future & money. I began to rely on my strength alone which soon caught up w/ me, physically & spiritually.
Last night, Ryan, being the amazing boyfriend he is, felt led by the Spirit to encourage me via a FB message. He reminded me that God is good & that there is no better way to live than to seek and serve God. So today, I finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.
After journaling for 2 hours @ Starbucks and coming home to read the Word and worship for another hour, I re-discovered just how true Ryan's statement is. Although I'm making good $ and teaching & choreographing with people I love, NOTHING COMPARES to BEING in PRESENCE OF GOD. After my time w/ Him I felt totally refreshed. I had so much joy and peace than I've had for a while. (P.S. It's been a long time since I've wanted to pick up my guitar and just praise God. I think it's because I'm not that great @ playing but I prayed that I would stand in the confidence in the TRUTH of who I am in Christ & voila! He answered it.)
Later He answered so many other of my prayers! I also talked to 2 of my friends I met in Europe...one from Bosnia, & one from Ohio & they told me all that God has done & is doing in their lives. After that I listened to a podcast from RH church & I was just reminded of how good God is & all that he's done in my life, I began to weep.
His presence just hit me like a rushing wind I was overwhelmed w/ joy that it brought me to a puddle of tears on my pillow. What better thing to do than to listen to "Where I Belong" by Matt Gillman & Cory Asbury.
"I finally found where I belong. It's to be with You."
Amen brothas. Preach it.
Last night, Ryan, being the amazing boyfriend he is, felt led by the Spirit to encourage me via a FB message. He reminded me that God is good & that there is no better way to live than to seek and serve God. So today, I finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.
After journaling for 2 hours @ Starbucks and coming home to read the Word and worship for another hour, I re-discovered just how true Ryan's statement is. Although I'm making good $ and teaching & choreographing with people I love, NOTHING COMPARES to BEING in PRESENCE OF GOD. After my time w/ Him I felt totally refreshed. I had so much joy and peace than I've had for a while. (P.S. It's been a long time since I've wanted to pick up my guitar and just praise God. I think it's because I'm not that great @ playing but I prayed that I would stand in the confidence in the TRUTH of who I am in Christ & voila! He answered it.)
Later He answered so many other of my prayers! I also talked to 2 of my friends I met in Europe...one from Bosnia, & one from Ohio & they told me all that God has done & is doing in their lives. After that I listened to a podcast from RH church & I was just reminded of how good God is & all that he's done in my life, I began to weep.
His presence just hit me like a rushing wind I was overwhelmed w/ joy that it brought me to a puddle of tears on my pillow. What better thing to do than to listen to "Where I Belong" by Matt Gillman & Cory Asbury.
"I finally found where I belong. It's to be with You."
Amen brothas. Preach it.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Radical Love.
Been home for 5 days & it has been interesting. Honestly, I was looking forward to it so much. By the end of Europe I was thrilled, yet exhausted and excited to just rest and be alone. I was also looking forward to seeing all my friends, family and the beach! I was looking forward to being comfortable in my own bed, with my own schedule, my own friends, my own church, my own eating habits, etc.
Resting & taking alone time with myself and God has been great. Seeing friends and family has been amazing, although there has been some changes and challenges. The beach is beautiful minus the abnormal amount of dead algae in the water. And living comfortably has been nice, but it doesn't beat living sacrificially for the sake of bringing the hope of Jesus to people.
I'm realizing that if loving a bunch of unaccepted & uncared for kids means little sleep, disgusted looks from others and fholding these little, fiflthy, smelly kids then it is absolutely worth it. I'm realizing that if teaching a bunch of kids of a true Hope and a true Love that I have found in Jesus, means staying up to the wee hours to plan dances, crafts & stories...it's so worth it. I'm realizing that if talking to people on trains & hotel receptionists means walkings miles & developing a new foot problem such as Metatarsalgia, it's still worth it. I'm realizing that if doing dance concerts all over Hungary to share truth and love with people means freaking out over which songs & what version, & how many & how long etc. than it is completely worth it. If going over seas to fullfill the great commission means spending tons of time writing letters, sending letters, figuring out $, worrying if I'll ever raise enough, having many "practical" discussion with the parentals, and coming home to debt, than it is totally worth it. I'm realizing that if ministering internationally means quitting my job, leaving the California sun, leaving dance classes/intensives so that I could improve, and having a few weeks left of summer to cram all I have to do before school, than it is with out a question, worth it.
I miss that absloute intentionality of being lights, loving and sharing truth everyday that happens on missions. I've been on mission trips since begining of high school and I am still trying to figure out how to see the same fruits that is produced on mission trips in our everyday lives. How do we bring that INTENTIONALITY to a life style of running errands, checking e-mails, paying bills, and working? How do we bring it to a life style of consumerism, comfort, routines, and independence?
I'm still trying to figure this out, but my prayer is that God's people would not take lightly the gathering of his people (church isn't a Sunday routine! we don't do it because "it's tradition." It is a sacred, amazing thing). My prayer is that God's people in the U.S. would not take lightly their "religious" freedom to worship, to read let alone carry a bible, to be able to testify what God has done in each of our lives. In the service Sunday, my prayer was that the church would fully understand God's love so that His love would compel us to do radical things. As Shane Claiborne says, if we follow Jesus we need to be radical, which which should be and ordinary thing. The church should be made up of ordinary radicals. Jesus loved radically. He defended to poor radically. He stood up to the "religious" or the Pharisees radicially. He sacrificed radically. God show us what it means to live like Your Son did.
Resting & taking alone time with myself and God has been great. Seeing friends and family has been amazing, although there has been some changes and challenges. The beach is beautiful minus the abnormal amount of dead algae in the water. And living comfortably has been nice, but it doesn't beat living sacrificially for the sake of bringing the hope of Jesus to people.
I'm realizing that if loving a bunch of unaccepted & uncared for kids means little sleep, disgusted looks from others and fholding these little, fiflthy, smelly kids then it is absolutely worth it. I'm realizing that if teaching a bunch of kids of a true Hope and a true Love that I have found in Jesus, means staying up to the wee hours to plan dances, crafts & stories...it's so worth it. I'm realizing that if talking to people on trains & hotel receptionists means walkings miles & developing a new foot problem such as Metatarsalgia, it's still worth it. I'm realizing that if doing dance concerts all over Hungary to share truth and love with people means freaking out over which songs & what version, & how many & how long etc. than it is completely worth it. If going over seas to fullfill the great commission means spending tons of time writing letters, sending letters, figuring out $, worrying if I'll ever raise enough, having many "practical" discussion with the parentals, and coming home to debt, than it is totally worth it. I'm realizing that if ministering internationally means quitting my job, leaving the California sun, leaving dance classes/intensives so that I could improve, and having a few weeks left of summer to cram all I have to do before school, than it is with out a question, worth it.
I miss that absloute intentionality of being lights, loving and sharing truth everyday that happens on missions. I've been on mission trips since begining of high school and I am still trying to figure out how to see the same fruits that is produced on mission trips in our everyday lives. How do we bring that INTENTIONALITY to a life style of running errands, checking e-mails, paying bills, and working? How do we bring it to a life style of consumerism, comfort, routines, and independence?
I'm still trying to figure this out, but my prayer is that God's people would not take lightly the gathering of his people (church isn't a Sunday routine! we don't do it because "it's tradition." It is a sacred, amazing thing). My prayer is that God's people in the U.S. would not take lightly their "religious" freedom to worship, to read let alone carry a bible, to be able to testify what God has done in each of our lives. In the service Sunday, my prayer was that the church would fully understand God's love so that His love would compel us to do radical things. As Shane Claiborne says, if we follow Jesus we need to be radical, which which should be and ordinary thing. The church should be made up of ordinary radicals. Jesus loved radically. He defended to poor radically. He stood up to the "religious" or the Pharisees radicially. He sacrificed radically. God show us what it means to live like Your Son did.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Hope in our Hands.
Just 7 weeks ago I was leaving for Europe; stressed, unsure, exhausted, confused, uncertain about where we were staying and how exactly we'd get to places, insecure my role of leading 2 dance ministries over seas and yet excited. (I mean Europe with my boyfriend and best friend...it couldn't be too bad)
First destination: Hungary (Part 1 of 3)
Musicians, technicians, dancers, evangelists, and a cinematographer/photographer. Concerts all over the country. Vaction Bible School. and a whole lot of God's love. (see previous blog for more details)
Second, Third, Fourth, etc destination: Austira, Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy (Part 2 of 3)
3 friends. 15 days. 5 countries, technically 6 (Vatican City is its own country). This part of the trip was very eye opening. I learned patience, endurance (physically, spiritually, & emotionally), trust, truth and grace and much more. The sights were amazing. Most of the places were nice as were the people not located in touristy places. It's was amazing to see the vast history in all of these places.
In the beginning I could barely be feet away from a cigarette now I could cuddle someone smoking if I wanted to. I saw many more people physically injured than I usually do, a lot of canes & crutches. But we did see our receptionist's shoulder that hurt for 5 months get healed after praying for him!
I also saw many, many, beggars. It was hard, for multiple reasons. We did get to talk to & pray for a sweet guy with little use of his legs and arms selling his paintings on the street in Florence.
We saw the hurt caused by the church and were able to talk, relate, apologize and defend who Jesus really is with a woman on a train to Paris.
We walked forever. Sweated a lot. Barely made it to our trains. Gained muscle from carrying our luggage up flights of stairs. and ate a lot of bread and gelato.
We had to fight to get alone time with ourselves and with God. As I have become more introverted, this was the hardest part for me. But in this, God really created a true hunger inside of me to continue and deepen an intimate friendship with Him. It has now become a heart thing, and less of a head thing. God also confirmed my calling to intercession. He is increasingly showing me to find my value in who I am and not what I do. Also, learning that I am still in "recovery period" from past hurts, that God is mending. He is teaching me to trust Him, especially when I don't trust myself. Jesus said "Do not be anxious about anything" and he is telling me this personally. I'm understanding how to dwell with God more & that God's people are His dwelling place. That's just crazy. Last but not least, I'm learning that everyone is on a different journey with God, the important thing is to maintain a "teachable spirit."
What a journey these 15 days in itself were.
Final Destinations: Rome, Italy and Bosina (Part 3 of 3)
Finally with the body :) 450 people around the world. Going to 22 different countries. Amazing speakers, amazing stories, amazing people and amazing worship. 5 days of awesomeness, except the part where I hurt my foot and got an emotional text and questioned my being there, but God healed it like 80% and assured me that I was to be there. Dances were miraculously put together. Teams were miraculously formed and with God's help we were ready for anything.
A few of us had a 3 hr lay over in Serbia but we were happy we survived the turbulence and also made a legit short film in the airport. Finally got to Bosnia with our international art team. We started our days with prayer walks to cover all we did in prayer. We painted beautiful murals on bullet holed walls from the war, one of a fingerprint made of hand prints from us and locals and one mural of beautiful flowers growing out of the weeds in the city, Sarjevo. We brought hope in many ways, especially the idea reconciliation. We did art, dance, music workshops with kids, and roamed around the streets. We played daily with "roma or gypsy" kids and hung out with our new Bosnian friends Adela and Dado. We'll never forget them thanking us for showing us God's love, nor will we forget them. This trip was so incredible. We met amazing people, and saw God do a lot of things. He is so good. I bought a mug that say "Sarjevo in my heart forever." and it is soo true.
Getting home was delayed, crazy and interesting, but hey we eventually made it and in style too. Thanks God for the business class seats! That was one lesson in Him teaching me, that he really does have what's best for us.
The most important thing I learned because of this trip is the Jesus really is the GOOD NEWS to the WORLD.
Thanks for reading <3
First destination: Hungary (Part 1 of 3)
Musicians, technicians, dancers, evangelists, and a cinematographer/photographer. Concerts all over the country. Vaction Bible School. and a whole lot of God's love. (see previous blog for more details)
Second, Third, Fourth, etc destination: Austira, Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy (Part 2 of 3)
3 friends. 15 days. 5 countries, technically 6 (Vatican City is its own country). This part of the trip was very eye opening. I learned patience, endurance (physically, spiritually, & emotionally), trust, truth and grace and much more. The sights were amazing. Most of the places were nice as were the people not located in touristy places. It's was amazing to see the vast history in all of these places.
In the beginning I could barely be feet away from a cigarette now I could cuddle someone smoking if I wanted to. I saw many more people physically injured than I usually do, a lot of canes & crutches. But we did see our receptionist's shoulder that hurt for 5 months get healed after praying for him!
I also saw many, many, beggars. It was hard, for multiple reasons. We did get to talk to & pray for a sweet guy with little use of his legs and arms selling his paintings on the street in Florence.
We saw the hurt caused by the church and were able to talk, relate, apologize and defend who Jesus really is with a woman on a train to Paris.
We walked forever. Sweated a lot. Barely made it to our trains. Gained muscle from carrying our luggage up flights of stairs. and ate a lot of bread and gelato.
We had to fight to get alone time with ourselves and with God. As I have become more introverted, this was the hardest part for me. But in this, God really created a true hunger inside of me to continue and deepen an intimate friendship with Him. It has now become a heart thing, and less of a head thing. God also confirmed my calling to intercession. He is increasingly showing me to find my value in who I am and not what I do. Also, learning that I am still in "recovery period" from past hurts, that God is mending. He is teaching me to trust Him, especially when I don't trust myself. Jesus said "Do not be anxious about anything" and he is telling me this personally. I'm understanding how to dwell with God more & that God's people are His dwelling place. That's just crazy. Last but not least, I'm learning that everyone is on a different journey with God, the important thing is to maintain a "teachable spirit."
What a journey these 15 days in itself were.
Final Destinations: Rome, Italy and Bosina (Part 3 of 3)
Finally with the body :) 450 people around the world. Going to 22 different countries. Amazing speakers, amazing stories, amazing people and amazing worship. 5 days of awesomeness, except the part where I hurt my foot and got an emotional text and questioned my being there, but God healed it like 80% and assured me that I was to be there. Dances were miraculously put together. Teams were miraculously formed and with God's help we were ready for anything.
A few of us had a 3 hr lay over in Serbia but we were happy we survived the turbulence and also made a legit short film in the airport. Finally got to Bosnia with our international art team. We started our days with prayer walks to cover all we did in prayer. We painted beautiful murals on bullet holed walls from the war, one of a fingerprint made of hand prints from us and locals and one mural of beautiful flowers growing out of the weeds in the city, Sarjevo. We brought hope in many ways, especially the idea reconciliation. We did art, dance, music workshops with kids, and roamed around the streets. We played daily with "roma or gypsy" kids and hung out with our new Bosnian friends Adela and Dado. We'll never forget them thanking us for showing us God's love, nor will we forget them. This trip was so incredible. We met amazing people, and saw God do a lot of things. He is so good. I bought a mug that say "Sarjevo in my heart forever." and it is soo true.
Getting home was delayed, crazy and interesting, but hey we eventually made it and in style too. Thanks God for the business class seats! That was one lesson in Him teaching me, that he really does have what's best for us.
The most important thing I learned because of this trip is the Jesus really is the GOOD NEWS to the WORLD.
Thanks for reading <3
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